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seinfeld 5x09 the masseuse
ok so jerry’s gone out with both skyler from breaking bad & now jennifer coolidge from the white lotus
&it’s gone p much exactly how you’d expect it to go each time
1
Episode of Seinfeld season 10 where Jerry realizes as he’s breaking large rocks into little rocks that he’s laboring with four other people with J names. And he’s raving about it like “it’s like holding a flush! We always win, it’s always a good time breaking those rocks George” and George is all like “my hand is always awful I only ever get two pair when I’m working with one of my bald brothers.” And he talks to Elaine about it and she’s dismissive because she’s having a bad time with her cellmate who’s named like Elizabeth or some shit. And then George realizes he gets beat up less when he’s around another prisoner and he’s trying to figure out what they have in common to justify the value of ‘the hand’.
and then later in the episode when they get out of prison after a year Elaine is at the employment office she meets some quadruplets or spontaneously is in a room full of people with the last name benes who she’s not related to. Something like that.
And Kramer finds out that Newman was sentenced in another state for postal malpractice a week before he was released so he and Jerry are able to live in his apartment after losing theirs.
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erry: He’s a bubble boy.
George: A bubble boy?
Jerry: Yes. a bubble boy.
Susan: What’s a bubble boy?
Jerry: He lives in a bubble.
George: Boy!
Susan: So, what kind of a bubble? Like an igloo?
Jerry: No, that’s what I thought, but apparently, it’s just a big plastic dividing the room.
Susan: Oh,
George: What kind of plastic do you think it is? What do you think like that dry-cleaning plastic?
Jerry: That’s no good. He wouldn’t last ten minutes in there.
2
As much as I love Seinfeld and is been one of my comfort shows for decades, I think that Curb Your Enthusiasm is even better. Seinfeld is funny and iconic (George and Frank Costanza are the best) but there is something edgier about Curb and I relate to Larry so many times that I love, love that show… and Larry interactions with Susie or Richard… chef kiss!
Unfortunately, the fact that I despise Jerry Seinfeld as person and I have this moral dilemma towards Seinfeld may be one of the reasons… yes, I know that he is in some episodes of Curb but it is not the same. I don’t have to see his stupid face in almost every shot.
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While I have mixed feelings about the people behind the TV show, I still watch Seinfeld for one primary reason: Kramer is the literal definition of a chaotic bisexual.
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Seinfeld 6x07 “The Soup”
★★★★★★★★★☆
Tracy Kolis. Writer: Fred Stoller. 1st of 6 episodes for Stephen Hytner as Kenny Bania, one of my favourite characters. Most of the comedy here feels unique to this show. Jerry’s reaction to the suit-dinner exchange, George’s manure monologue (and it’s consequences), Kramer’s anti-fridge lifestyle… I can’t think of any other show where these ideas would work. Oct-Dec 1994: NBC Thursday after Friends, before Madman of the People. Against Matlock (ABC); Chicago Hope (CBS); New York Undercover (Fox). 9/10
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Evelyn: Is everybody up?
Jerry: Hi. How are you?
Eevelyn: Hello Jerry.
Jerry: Evelyn, this is Elaine.
Elaine: (with pain) Hi, Evelyn.
Evelyn: Jerry, you got thin.
Jerry: Too thin?
Helen: Oh, stop worrying so much about how you look.
Evelyn: So where’s the new pen?
Jerry: What?
Evelyn: The pen. The one Jack Klompus gave you.
HELEN: How did you know that?
Evelyn: Blanche told me.
Helen: Blanche?
Eevelyn: That’s some good pen. It writes upside down.
Elaine: The astronauts use them.
Helen: What did Blanche say?
Evelyn: I don’t know. She said Jerry wanted the pen.
Jerry: I never really wanted the pen.
Morty: He gave him the pen.
Helen: Morty.
Evelyn: Why you don’t like the pen?
Jerry: No, no, I…
Evelyn: Cause if you don’t like it, give it back to him.
Helen: Is that what she said?
Evelyn: Who?
Helen: Blanche.
Evelyn: What are you talking about?
(The phone rings)
Helen: Hello? Oh, hello, Gussy. What? Jerry wouldn’t do that. Jack gave it to him. All he said was he liked it. I mean, nobody put a gun to his head. (to Jerry) You’re giving him back that pen.
Elaine: Somebody, please– THE AIR CONDITIONER!
Morty: Oh! I forgot all about it.
Jerry: All I said was, “I like the pen.”
Morty: How in the world do you work this thing?
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Elaine Benes was so not appreciated in her time. the urban sombrero would kill in 2026
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“Seinfeld” 090 (1994)
Tracy Kolis.
- Writer: Fred Stoller.
- 1st of 6 episodes for Stephen Hytner as Kenny Bania, one of my favourite characters.
- Most of the comedy here feels unique to this show. Jerry’s reaction to the suit-dinner exchange, George’s manure monologue (and it’s consequences), Kramer’s anti-fridge lifestyle… I can’t think of any other show where these ideas would work.
- Oct-Dec 1994: NBC Thursday after Friends, before Madman of the People. Against Matlock (ABC); Chicago Hope (CBS); New York Undercover (Fox).
9/10
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Jerry looks up from his comic as George saunters into the apartment.
“What’s with you?”
He taps a file folder against the back of the dining chair. "I uh, got my results back,“ he says rocking back on his heels.
"And?”
“1% black.”
Jerry raises his eyebrows. “Reallyy.”
He smirks passing a hand across his lip and leans forward. "You know about the one drop rule.“
"Oh boy.” Jerry says rolling his eyes.
“I’m black.”
“You’re not black!”
“It’s a rule, Jerry,” he says giddy. "I’m a brother!“
"You’re not a brother!” He says his voice reaching a high whine.
George nods adjusting his sleeves with a grin. "You know what else that means?“
"You can’t use the word.”
“Why not?”
“Because you can’t!” He shrieks.
His shoulders slump. “Yeah I know. But,” he says cheering, they’re having a protest down on 8th street. "
“So?”
“So,” He shrugs. “I thought I’d go down, join in.”
“You’re not black!”
“So, that means I can’t join a protest? I can join a protest!” He says growing louder. "There were white people in those sit ins too ya know.“
"Jerry.” Kramer says crashing into the apartment. "Oh, hey, George. Jerry did you hear about George?“
"He’s not black!”
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Another thing shared by Seinfeld and Friends, how awfully unfunny the last two cash-grabbing seasons were…
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Gennice: (crying)
Jerry: (to himself)Now, what am I supposed to do here? Would you like me to go over there? It’s not like somebody died. It’s “Beaches,” for god’s sake. If she was sitting next to me I’d put my arm around her. I can’t be making a big move like going over there. I can’t. I won’t.
(Next day)
Jerry: She called me this morning and told me she was upset I didn’t console her. I mean, it was “Beaches,” for god’s sake. What do you do in a situation like that?
George: Where were you?
Jerry: I was sitting on the chair. She was over here on the couch.
George: Well you know, if you were sitting right next to her you’d have to console her no matter what.
Jerry: Of course.
George: When you’re talking about a movie like “Beaches”, moving from the chair to the couch , … that’s quite a voyage.
Jerry: Yeah.
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Seinfeld will be fun and games until its suddenly a high art black mirror episode and a studio audience is laughing while George Costanza shrugs at the death of his fiance after cheating on her.
I was enjoying myself but now i have to sit with the cosmic horror experiencing sa in a dentist office then deal with a godlike disembodied crowd of laughter everytime i try to advocate for myself. The ending where jerry just sits with the weight of that…
WHAT!??!
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An evil robot duplicate of himself.
The George Constanza line asks the most important question of anyone fictional or otherwise: can they win in a fight with George Costanza? The answers may shock you.
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Seinfeld 6x08 “The Mom & Pop Store”
★★★★★★★★☆☆
Elsa Raven, Jon Voight. Inspired idea for a storyline. (Based on a real events.) It works here because George’s character is so well defined. It’s another episode where someone’s life/business is ruined. This time, Kramer does the deed. The final scene is funny, but it feels like the script–by Tom Gammill & Max Pross–had to work really, really hard to get to it. Oct-Dec 1994: NBC Thursday after Friends, before Madman of the People. Against Matlock (ABC); Chicago Hope (CBS); New York Undercover (Fox). 8/10
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George: Jerry! Up here!
Jerry: Yeah. Hey, what do you want me to do with this?
George: I can’t come out. They’re standing right by the door. Throw it up!
Jerry: Really?
George: Yeah. Yeah. It’s the only way. Come on. What are you kidding me?
Jerry: Will you get this horse outta here. He’s killing me. I can’t get any oxygen.
Kramer: I don’t wanna go back on there!
George: Come on!
Jerry: (grunting)
George: (grunting) Hey! Hey, wait a second. I got an idea. Come on! Come on!
Jerry: Wait a second! I never baited a hook with a rye before. Your hook is too small. This is for, like, a muffin. All right. Take it away.
George: Come on. Come on. Come on. Yeah. Yeah. Schnitzer’s.
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by season 8 vanderpump rules is really losing its shine but we gotta push through to reach scandoval… we are like elaine forcing herself through ten disgusting atomic subs to get the free one at the end… i want the season i earned!!
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I love Seinfeld and I feel like that’s the most npc thing I like. I find it actually funny and it keeps my attention span, but an embarrassing thing is that I started eating coffee cakes only because the show has shown a bunch of coffee cakes. 
In case you didn’t know what a coffee cake is it looks like this one of my favorite desserts 
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“Seinfeld” 089 (1994)
Elsa Raven, Jon Voight.
- Inspired idea for a storyline. (Based on a real events.) It works here because George’s character is so well defined.
- It’s another episode where someone’s life/business is ruined. This time, Kramer does the deed.
- The final scene is funny, but it feels like the script–by Tom Gammill & Max Pross–had to work really, really hard to get to it.
- Oct-Dec 1994: NBC Thursday after Friends, before Madman of the People. Against Matlock (ABC); Chicago Hope (CBS); New York Undercover (Fox).
8/10
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seinfeld polycule duo ranking
🥇. jerrygeorge
🥈. elainekramer
🥉. georgelaine
4. jerrykramer
5. kramergeorge
6. jerryelaine
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my daughter bartends at a venue where John O'Hurley the “J. Peterman” was a part of an event. Quick framing for her with fIea market finds.
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Elaine: What is it…A drawing of Mr. Magoo?
Jerry: No, it’s George
Elaine: It is…
George: You enjoying yourself?
Elaine: Sorry. George: You see. You see! Listen, when is your next drawing class?
Elaine: Tomorrow.
George: All right, I want you to do me a favor.
Elaine: What?
George: I want you to find out if she likes me.
Elaine: Find out if likes you?. What, are you in High School?… George come on can’t you just talk to her yourself?
George: But she’s gonna know that I like her more than she likes me. Jerry: You know my parents are coming in, and I’ve got some cleanup to do. If you and Potsie are done scheming, could you guys wrap up?
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smoking that Kramer Pack. Got me seein visions of Newman. Smoking that shit that got me sayin “Giddy-up!”.
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I think we’ve all been there. We’ve all had ideas for TV episodes or suggestions on how to make a show better, and we suggest them to the people involved with the show, only to have our ideas mocked and made fun of on live TV. I think we all can relate to George.
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my brother dyed his hair black and now it’s like there’s a mini Jerry Seinfeld in my house
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one (1) coconut crab
The George Constanza line asks the most important question of anyone fictional or otherwise: can they win in a fight with George Costanza? The answers may shock you.
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Seinfeld 6x06 “The Gymnast”
★★★★★★★★★★
Lois Nettleton. A hilarious episode brimming with original/unique ideas. The George storyline is magnificent, as his encounters with his girlfriend’s mother get progressively worse. (eating from trash, washing windscreens for change, leaving shirt in bathroom). But Mr. Pitt’s obsession with the 3D art is a close second. Great punchline at the very, very end. Oct-Dec 1994: NBC Thursday after Friends, before Madman of the People. Against Matlock (ABC); Chicago Hope (CBS); New York Undercover (Fox). 10/10
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“Seinfeld” 088 (1994)
Lois Nettleton.
- A hilarious episode brimming with original/unique ideas.
- The George storyline is magnificent, as his encounters with his girlfriend’s mother get progressively worse. (eating from trash, washing windscreens for change, leaving shirt in bathroom). But Mr. Pitt’s obsession with the 3D art is a close second.
- Great punchline at the very, very end.
- Oct-Dec 1994: NBC Thursday after Friends, before Madman of the People. Against Matlock (ABC); Chicago Hope (CBS); New York Undercover (Fox).
10/10
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Every time I find my Dad watching Seinfeld I have to remember I’m banned from reminding him that Jerry dated a 17 year old when he was a grown ass man
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The hiatus
The George Constanza line asks the most important question of anyone fictional or otherwise: can they win in a fight with George Costanza? The answers may shock you.
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Seinfeld 6x05 “The Couch”
★★★★★★★★★☆
David James Elliott,Patton Oswalt, Robert Hooks. 2nd of 4 appearances for Reni Santoni as Poppie. The George storyline is pure gold. He invites himself to a stranger’s house to watch Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Hilarious. Loved how Jerry is more diabolical in this one. He deliberately sabotages Elaine’s relationship. (After already ruining their night out.) And he’s amused by the whole thing. Oct-Dec 1994: NBC Thursday after Friends, before Madman of the People. Against Matlock (ABC); Chicago Hope (CBS); New York Undercover (Fox). 9/10
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“Seinfeld” 087 (1994)
David James Elliott,Patton Oswalt, Robert Hooks.
- 2nd of 4 appearances for Reni Santoni as Poppie.
- The George storyline is pure gold. He invites himself to a stranger’s house to watch Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Hilarious.
- Loved how Jerry is more diabolical in this one. He deliberately sabotages Elaine’s relationship. (After already ruining their night out.) And he’s amused by the whole thing.
- Oct-Dec 1994: NBC Thursday after Friends, before Madman of the People. Against Matlock (ABC); Chicago Hope (CBS); New York Undercover (Fox).
9/10
18
okay so nobody has ever bothered mentioning or posting the fact that Kramer and Jerry Seinfeld kiss? This was just something I was supposed to happen upon myself?
